I am sorry, Feet. Layer upon layer of your skin has been sent to battle against chafing socks and unsuitable trainers; the next wave of soldiers too young and raw to fight are sent out nonetheless.
You are welcome, Muscles. You have prospered and grown. It’s good to see you.
Belly, you are a few pounds shy of your former self, but don’t feel sad at the loss. I think you look better that way.
Toenails, you have crumbled in protest against the relentless pavement pounding through which I have put you. Left Big Toenail in particular, I am unsure as to why exactly at week 3 you decided to turn irreversibly purple; I hope one day to be able to reunite you and your peers with my good friends, Nail Polish and Summer Sandals.
I am forever in your debt, Peanut Butter, you are a god and a saviour, giver of life, protection and pleasure. And you, Bananas, Bagels and Porridge.
Calories, we’ve had a rocky relationship, we always have. But I feel we have grown closer over the last few months; you have not become a friend as such and I will continue to remain suspicious of you but, y’know. Thanks for all the energy.
Boobs, you lost a cup size (but let’s face it, you had enough to spare).
Bank balance, sorry about all that money I took out of you to pay for swanky support trainers and Powerade. When I’m a famous athlete I’ll pay you back.
Oxfam, you will shortly be £505 better equipped to do all that stuff in Africa that you do. So… keep doing that ‘n’ shit…
Running, I both unconditionally love and loathe you.
Thank you everyone for having been so supportive, I can’t say enough how good it is to know people have taken even the slightest interest in my training and donated whatever they could spare. That means a lot and I love you loads.
The big day is tomorrow, 9am, Preston Park, Brighton Marathon 2012. I say BRING IT ON. You can still sponsor me until May 15th !